A FEW PLAIN TRUTHS ABOUT THE ROYAL ACADEMY. THE centenary of the Royal Academy finds it in anything but a flourishing condition. A hundred years can only be considered to complete the youth of such institutions as Academies, but it finds our Academy showing evidences of senility, which prove its feeble constitution. However it is just possible that the general reprimand it has received this year will do it good, and that when it begins its second century, and opens its new buildings it will exhibit the healthy results of the castigation it is now receiving. perhaps in a limited circle in the N.W. district-and therefore it had better be abandoned next year. In analysing the alphabetical list at the end of the catalogue with a view to discovering the exact number of R. A.'s who reside in St. John's Wood-and a rather large proportion it is!-we have been struck by the absence of landscape-painters in the roll of R.A.'s. Landscape-painting is so essentially the English art that it is startling to find its only representatives are MR. CRESWICK, whose pencil not unnaturally has lost some of its old facility; MR. REDGRAVE, who paints figure subjects also but with so little success that we must count him here; and MR. LEE, who we suppose must claim admission on the strength of his fidelity to boiled-cabbage foliage and clayey foregrounds. There is no lack of good landscape-painters among the exhibitors:-MR. MACCALLUM, MR. LEADER, MR. BRETT, MR. COLE, MR. HEMY, all or any of these would do the Academy credit, but the vacancies they might have filled with honour have been otherwise disgreat marine painter: MR. EDWIN HAYES is thoroughly capable of filling the gap, but his claims remain unacknowledged. MR. POYNTER for three years has contributed works that have been among the most striking pictures in the Exhibition: why is he still without the pale? Must Gower-street come to St. John's Wood ere he can be eligible for election. We would suggest that in the new buildings, a Chamber of Horrors having been first assigned to the portraits exclusively, a certain proportion of the remaining rooms should be devoted to the works of Academicians, to be hung according to their merits, and the rest to be given to outsiders. This would give line space to both Academicians and non-Academicians, and would enable the hangers, without sus-posed of. In the lamented death of STANFIELD the Academy lost its picion of disrespect, to lend the enchantment of distance to those works of members, which consideration for the painters would "raise to the skies." We are glad to see our opinion of MR. MACLISE's honesty and impartiality confirmed by the account given by the Athenæum of his removal of one of his own pictures to make room for that of BARON LEYS. It is a wholesome sign, too, that the hangers "desired to efface as far as possible the scandal which followed the ungenerous treatment of MR. DAUBIGNY'S 'Moonrise' last year." The hangers will have a good many scandals to efface, next year, and we may perhaps hope they will endeavour to do so. The plan of hanging adopted for the present exhibition seems to have been this. In the first place all the portraits by Academicians were put on the line-next the works of the St. John's Wood school, or pictures painted by the wives or immediate relatives of R. A.'s (hangers official or officious) were advantageously displayed, and then the remaining space was divided among the rest of the Academicians. This arrangement has not proved to be popular-except The intelligent reader will at once perceive the mistake by which the ti les above have been transposed. We beg to apologise for this somewhat excusable error, which was only noticed after we had gone to press.-ED. The only Academician who has done his duty well and truly this year is MR. POOLE. In his "Custance Sent Adrift" he does the Academy noble service, by securing it the credit that one of the best pictures on the walls is painted by a member. His picture is almost the only justification there is for the claim to the line put forward by the R. A.'s. Row, Brothers, Row! THERE is no more invigorating exercise, and when you are able to feather an oar well, turn your attention to feathering your nest, and then just won't "the maidens all flock to your boat so readily." THE BEVERAGE FOR LOVERS.-Huggin's Ales. INTERESTING RECORDS OF THE GOOSEFIELD CLUB. A PROUD WEEK for Goosefield having terminated without a single contretemps, we may now draw breath, wipe our brows, and look back calmly on those festive scenes, which while they lasted, took away the control of feelings and the command of words. In bright and genial weather, chequered only by a smart hail-storm and a few heavy showers, and chilled occasionally by a north-east wind, the event so long looked forward to with anxious hope has passed into the region of history, and may be regarded through the dispassionate telescope of retrospective criticism. Amid general rejoicing, which has overpowered the few sneers of the evil-minded even as sunshine has dispelled and driven away the murky clouds that would fain have obscured the rays of gladness-amid outward shows, the most conspicuous of which were the tasteful decorations over the shop of our enterprising fellow-townsmen, MESSRS. T. POTT AND SON-amid such a state of excitement, in short, as the oldest inhabitant of Goosefield informs us, he in vain attempts to remember, looking over the wide lapse of bygone days-the new pump has been inaugurated. DESCRIPTION OF THE NEW PUMP. The stately and imposing object which now embellishes the marketplace of the town of Goosefield, and which will ever serve as an appropriate monument to the public spirit of this venerable borough, owes its origin to a few members of the Goosefield Club, who discussed at an ordinary meeting the necessity of a Public Pump, and afterwards brought their ripened project before the town-council. That body, as our readers are aware, has entertained the question with more or less divergence of individual view and warmth of party opinion-generally more. But the opponents gradually gave way; the most seemingly determined and inveterate Anti-pumpers joined the ranks of the Pumpers; and not more than two or three stubborn foes to improvement and spring-water remained in opposition. The new pump is of iron. It is covered with several-we believe no less than four-coats of paint, of a dark and somewhat leaden hue. The municipal arms, three geese argent on a field vert, are introduced in a panel above the spout, which projects in a westerly direction, the handle being towards the south. The entire height of the structure, including an ornament on the top, which represents a goose's egg, conventionally treated, is very little short of six feet. An eminent Birmingham firm was entrusted with the task of designing and casting this majestic pump, scarcely three months having elapsed between the date of the order being given and its accomplishment. If the nature of the design as well as the size of the object had been altogether different, and if, as then might have been the case, the suitable material had been silver instead of iron, there cannot be the. least doubt that the work would have been executed-and executed in their best style-by MESSES. T. POTT AND SON, of 27, High-street, Goosefield, whose world-renowned name adorns our advertising columns. THE INAUGURAL CEREMONY. The town presented a gay appearance on Tuesday morning, no fewer than five flags flaunting the sunlight in our Market-place and High-street. The establishment of MESSRS. T. POTT AND SON, the silversmiths, in the last-mentioned thoroughfare, was decorated with great taste, the floral display on the window-sill of the first floor, immediately over the shop, being remarkable for its arrangement of colour. If a stranger had chanced to visit Goosefield on that auspicious morn, he could not have failed to ask what was about to happen. Expectancy sat on every face, and hope illumined every eye. It had become known that the unfortunate difference between ALDERMAN WATTLES and MR. POTTLES had been adjusted, by a mutual concession most honourable to both heads and to each heart. MR. JAWKINS, Our learned Recorder, had been perfectly willing, we understand, to arbitrate in the matter; but happily his legal acumen has not been needed to settle whether MR. POTTLES or ALDERMAN WATTLES was in the right, inasmuch as ALDERMAN WATTLES and MR. POTTLES have magnanimously admitted that they were both in the wrong. The hour fixed for the ceremony of inaugurating the new and splendid pump in the Market-place was twelve o'clock; and a little before the time people began to congregate near the spot. It was barely four minutes past twelve when the head of the procession came in view; and a cheer from two workmen rent the air. It had been judiciously arranged that the cortege, having only a short distance to traverse between the Town Hall and the Pump-our old friend MR. MERRYTHOUGHT facetiously observed, by the by, that it was not more than a step from the sublime to the interesting should traverse that distance on foot. Every precaution would no doubt have been taken by the police to obviate danger and inconvenience to the inhabitants of Goosefield, from the overcrowding of the streets, and strong barriers would have been erected along the line of route and in the proximity of the Pump, had it appeared to be in the least degree probable that any such plans would be found at all necessary. ORDER OF THE PROCESSION. A Sergeant and one Man of the Goosefield Constabulary to clear the way. The Drum and Fife Band of the Goosefield Rifle Volunteers. A Flag, carried by a Boy. The Commercial Gentleman representing the firm of BUFFLES AND BLOGG, contractors for the Pump. Another Flag, carried by a Man (subsequently re- Who should have been somewhere else in the Aldermen and Common Council in their The Right Hon. the VISCOUNT LIVERWING, Member of Parliament for the Borough of Goosefield; supported by the Mayor and SIR BLINKLEBY OWLBUSH, Bart. Other members of the procession thrown into disorder by the improper, not to say scandalous, conduct of a person, describing himself as a Representative of the Press, and but too well known as the contemptible and low-minded reporter in the employ of a venal contemporary. (This excrescence on the profession of journalism persisted in obtruding his offensive presence and manners on COLONEL GANDER and other gentlemen, under the pretext of taking notes. Let him beware! This is not the place to tell him a few unpalateable truths; but a fitting opportunity and a day of dreadful retribution will yet come.) cheering. People Jeering. with the Flag that People People telling Man "Steady does it.' People chaffing. The magnitude of these eventful proceedings compels us to reserve our further report of the ceremony, and the subsequent dinner at the Feathers Hotel. Answers to Correspondents. [We cannot return unaccepted MSS. or Sketches, unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope; but we do not hold ourselves responsible for loss.] DAN.-The announcement of the lecture is perfectly correct, so that your satirical remarks thereon are nonsense. is BOOKWORM shall not have an opportunity of boring through our pages. "We suppose he means us to finish the sentence, but we are not good at riddles. Is "point" or "sense the next word ? R. W. (Paisley) shawld-we beg pardon, should not do so! be comparatively positive on that point. ALL-RIGHT cannot expect to be all right and all writer too;-he might etc. A. F.R. (Offord-road.)-What you have "offord" is declined with thanks. S. C. H. (Dartmouth) says "The enclosed slip was taken from," etc., As the slip is not enclosed, we suppose the enclosed slipped out. ALDIBERONTIFOSCIFORNIOSTICOS.-Your title provokes-This answer. Because-You cannot crack jokes-You needn't crack jaws. J. H. (Notting-hill.)-Hermit was in the foreground, nearest the spectator! Jus (Seymour-street).-Just short of the mark. W. H. M. (Bouverie-street.)-Occasionally. E. Q. U. I. P. (Boro'.)-How dare you crack your miserable jokes about become you, for if you can see anything to laugh at in such a funeral you a death which is deplored by the whole nation? Silence would better are only fit to be a mute. D. G.-Yes. CANTAB.-Not quite up to the standard. BROTHER JONATHAN.-A well-selected title, since the joke is pirated from our first volume. Declined with thanks:-J. D., Waterford; Ephemeral Smug; H. W., Exeter; F. B., Chelsea; R. D. B., Gracechurch-street; C. J. G.; S. H., Mitcham; W. H. B.; Theodore; J. C., Kentish-town; J. C., Kensingtonpark-road; R. O., China; S. S.; E. D., Clonmel; R. R., Wigton; Young Fox; W. H. S.; W. R. W., Clapham; H. W. R.; J. K.; J. N. B., J. G. M., Chester; Old Subscriber, Kensington; B. B., Hull; Circle A., Blaydon-on-Tyne; A. B., Prince's-gardens; W. F. W., Kingsland; Glasgow; Owain; S. R. E., Clapham-road; W., Belper; C. R. H.; James C.; A. C., Dieppe; S. W. C., Camberwell-new-road; F. D. H., Russell-square. HE variety of Lodgers is infinite. It may fairly be " sleep in two small iron bedsteads in the back drawing-room, and Of course, as there is a variety of Lodgers, so The Lodgers selected for this essay inhabit lodgings of the last-mentioned kind. Let us give a brief sketch of the Bohemian lodging-house. It is situated in a street that once formed part of a fashionable quarter. The only external relic of its bygone splendour is the extinguisher with which the running footmen of former generations extinguished their flambeaux, and which still adorns the rusty railings. From those rusty railings, from the blistered and blackened paint, from the general dinginess of bricks and mortar, it is plain-either that there is no covenant in the lease to bind the tenant to paint and clean once in every so many years; or, that if there is such a covenant, the tenant pays no attention to it. The door-posts bristle with bell-handles, Occasionally supplemented by diminutive brass-plates bearing such names as JINKS, and POTTLETON. The arrangement of these bells is of an arbitrary, not to say topsy-turvy character; so that if you ring the bottom bell on the supposition that it will summon "the parlours," you will probably find that you have brought down "the attics" on a fool's errand. Having effected your entrance, you find the interior gloomy and grimy. The walls are painted. The staircases are of stone, and wide. The windows are large, but the dirt of ages accumulated on their panes will not admit too much of the garish light of day. You will not have been in the house two minutes ere you perceive that curious fusty smell which is peculiar to the lodging-house of this class. It is a perfume which it would puzzle RIMMEL to manufacture, or PIESSE to analyse. We will now proceed to inspect the different Lodgers contained in the mansion. In such lodgings the lodginghouse-keepers live in the basement, and are conjectured to occupy a sort of back kitchen. The ground-floor is, therefore, occupied by a lodger, who, like some peers, takes his title from his residence, and is called "The Parlours." He is very often a quiet old gentleman who has purchased a small annuity, and who having, by so doing, sunk all his little fortune, has few friends and relations to visit him. He spends his evenings at a tavern where there is a sort of whist club, where they play for halfpenny points. He smokes a churchwarden, and his drink is gin-and-water warm. For lack of better employment, he has persuaded himself that he is in bad health, and so he wastes a good deal of his diminutive income in the purchase of patent medicines. He is very nervous, and has taken these rooms in a little-frequented street in order to be quiet. He is not altogether successful in attaining his object, for the house seems to suffer from earthquakes in its constitution; and he would be glad to change his quarters, but has a nervous horror of the consequence of giving that awful creature, the landlady, the requisite notice. "The Drawing-Rooms" are accountable for the chronic convulsions which cover the invalid gentleman with confusion and scraps of plaister. They are artists, who have the floor between them. They jealous Hang- and no play makes JACK a dull boy," and they prevent themselves from becoming dull by a judicious mixture of art and athletics. Having visited the artists' quarter at Paris, they are well-versed in all the figures of the refined dance which MADEMOISELLE FINETTE has introduced into fashionable society. It is their vigorous performance of the cancan, into which they break-out at frequent intervals, that disturbes the quiet of "the Parlours." "The Drawing-Rooms" are, in their turn, victimised by the occupants of "The Second Floor." A tribe of Germans, variously reported as numbering from four to ten, holds possession of the Second-Floor, and as it combines a national love for music with the establishment of a species of Turnverein, for gymnastic exercise, "the Parlours" may consider himself more than revenged. Some of the Germans are believed to belong to orchestras, while others appear to go out to play dancemusic at evening parties. A few seem to make their living by smoking and playing dominoes. They begin with gymnastics in the morning, and are in the habit of producing sounds which "the Drawing-Rooms" allege resemble the noise produced by a wellcontested game of ninepins or skittles. The rest of the day is devoted to the study of harmony, which is so per sistently carried on that "the Drawing-Rooms" console themselves in their consequent sufferings with the hope that they will ultimately become acclimatised, and so be able to sustain, unmoved, the combined attacks of the German boy-band, and three organs all playing different tunes. "The Third-Floor is an erratic and festive spirit. He is supposed to be a clerk or a shopman, but as he is seldom at home, leaving the house about ten and not returning until late-or rather, early-very little is known of him. His hat is very low in the crown and very wide in the brim; and his style of dress is copied from that of fashionable society-as depicted on the title-pages of the so-called "comic songs" of the Music-halls. From this fact, as well as from the tone of his conversation, and his frequent whistling of popular airs, he is reputed, or disreputed, to be a frequenter of the Music-halls, where he most likely nods and winks to the performers with whom he is acquainted, and drinks with the leader, manager, chairman, or, for lack of better, with the head-waiter. He returns to his lodgings towards the small hours, and has a long struggle with the latch-key, which seems to have had a difference with the keyhole, and is anxious to avoid it in consequence. Having overcome this, he meanders into the passage, bumps against all the doors on his way up-stairs, and on reaching his room |